Bride, wife, divorcee – each phase of my life required courage. I wrote a book called Modern Day Courage to light a path for others. Confronting assumptions about my sexual identity, combatting mental health challenges, overcoming the stigma of divorce, fighting my inescapable perfectionism, and shedding the layers of guilt and shame imposed by the Catholic Church were obstacles I met and rose from. This journey has led me to live an authentic and meaningful life.
Given that I am a divorcee, it might seem ironic that I am writing for Bridal Fantasy, but read on – this is indeed a true love story. Dr. M. Scott Peck’s classic self-help book The Road Less Traveled, first published in 1978, talks about a love that I was fortunate to have; he defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”
As I write this article; I revisit the memories of my wedding day. That significant day in late April when we took each other’s hand, walked together, and proclaimed our love before family and friends. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
In my book Modern Day Courage, I write about the slow unraveling of my sexual identity and the sheer struggle as I grappled with this reality. It was my patient and devoted husband who saw me through this battle. He was the one who helped me evolve, grow, and change. He provided the love, support, and affirmation I needed to explore and discover my true self.
I am gay.
Throughout our 15-year marriage, I gradually realized I was sexually attracted to women. This evolution, possibly a revolution in my thinking, challenged my identity as a heterosexual married woman. I first had to dismantle the standard of perfectionism I held myself to, and shake off guilt and shame from the Catholic Church’s archaic wedding vows. Then, I had to grant myself permission to learn, transform, and emerge into that place where I fully loved and accepted myself.
As much care, love, and appreciation I had for my husband, I had to leave the marriage. To stay would have sabotaged us both, and ending the union did not extinguish the deep love for my former husband.
This is a worthy story where love was the foundation of our marriage. My husband’s selfless love supported me in finding my true self. Our relationship is a 21st-century love story – complicated, messy, unpredictable but infused with love.
I wish you find this type of love, as I did, in the person you marry: one who will help you nurture your own spiritual growth, one who will love you at your worst and best.
Hang onto each other tight – it’s a wild ride!