The Potency of Community & Courage, June 2024

Community was my beacon of hope while navigating the uncertainty and complexity of sexual identity, dealing with repressed anger and trauma, overcoming the stigma of divorce, and distancing myself from suffocating perfectionism. 

The duo of guilt and shame were ever-present companions, stemming from my strict Catholic upbringing. The inflexibility of the Roman Catholic Church’s teachings compounded these challenges, making maneuvering even more difficult.

The confusion surrounding my sexual identity, coupled with the resurgence of dormant childhood trauma, propelled me into a profound exploration. I was determined to learn and confront all aspects of my mental health head-on. At the height of my journey, toxic anger overwhelmed me. I often felt compelled to obliterate from my mind the residue from the childhood poem penned by English poet Robert Southey, which depicted girls as solely ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’.

My sexual unsettledness created ambiguity, and eventually evolved into paralyzing fear.  

The weight of fear felt like a cement trust on my chest. I carried it until I was able to close my 15-year heterosexual marriage and love myself enough to emerge from the metaphorical closet.

During this transformative phase in my life, my community—my then-husband, my boss and co-workers, my family, and close friends—became the anchor holding me steady and guiding me away from suicidal thoughts. To choose hope over despair.  

I don’t write to be theatrical – I write to be real.

Out of this experience, I wrote a book called Modern Day Courage. I hoped it would be a guiding light for others. While no two paths are the same; courage is a universal human trait and is always relevant regardless of their differences.  

With my community’s backing, I felt supported in my journey of discovery. It provided a sense of safety infused with unconditional love and closeness.  I received the space I required when I needed distance.  My community was my psychological safety net. It supported me without judgment or condemnation.  

Do not let shame stop you from seeking support—ask for help; it is necessary. We are not meant to tackle this complex and challenging work in secrecy and darkness. Share your struggles; let these obstacles come into the light to transcend and transform our society into a more compassionate one.

The combination of community and courage is truly powerful. Align yourself with a compassionate therapist who can provide stepping stones to healing and wholeness. Dive into inspiring books that open your mind and heart to new possibilities. Spend time in the rejuvenating embrace of nature.  These steps are not just beneficial—they are essential in cultivating your own Modern Day Courage.

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